As a blogger and freelance writer, I am constantly trying to find a balance between writing quality pieces, and writing pieces that get the clicks. Sometimes, I find the perfect combination of the two, and things go crazy for a while. And then I realize I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, after all.
For me, this is also motherhood.
I am constantly trying to figure out how to be a good parent who knows how to handle her kids in all sorts of situations. I keep thinking, “C’mon, you’re a second-time mom. You’ve got a teenage stepdaughter, a three-year-old and a baby boy who’s about to turn one. Don’t you have it figured out yet?”
The answer is no.
I. Know. Nothing.
I see all these articles and blog posts floating around the internet, and they’re talking about 7 Ways to Solve This Problem, 14 Steps to Helping your Child Do That. I read the headlines, and sometimes I click through, to try and learn something.
But mostly? I see those articles and feel like complete crap. Because I keep wondering how all the other moms know so much more than I do. The internet can be a great resource to help you learn things and become a better person or something, but it can also be the entrance to a giant pit of despair. Despair because you get caught up in comparing yourself to others and quickly determine that you don’t measure up.
Every other mom out there has got it together. And I don’t.
Sure, when I hang out with my Mom Friends, I like to go along with whatever conversation they’re having, nodding and smiling away. “Oh yes, ha ha ha! Tummy-time and learning to self-soothe, and talking my three year old down from inexplicable tantrums, and also making sure they’re being read to enough and eating balanced meals! All of those things!”
But I walk away fairly certain that what I’ve been doing with my kids is wrong, and maybe that’s why my daughter still isn’t potty-trained and there are 4 of us sleeping in a queen-sized bed, with an empty crib that has become my newest closet to hang clothes on.
I do not have all the answers. I’m pretty sure I don’t even have ONE answer.
I keep trying to come up with new posts that will help other parents. That’s what everyone wants to read, right? But I’ve got nothing.
So I guess this is my confession, and I may as well start wearing it like a badge of honour: I have no answers.
My first kid was an absolute mystery to me. She didn’t fit any standard baby mold. My second kid has spent this last year schooling me in how different he is from her, in every goddamn way. I had my teenage stepdaughter move in with us last fall, having probably lived with us for less than 1/10th of her life. So that’s been a bit of a lesson, too.
I have to make all this shit up, on a daily basis. Most of the time, I think I’m failing miserably. But they’re all still alive, so I can’t be that bad, right?
Neither are you.
I’m going to keep writing, but I’ll tell you right now: this is not the place you should be visiting for answers. I’m going to keep writing so that you know that you’re not alone, out there. So keep coming here to see that someone else is struggling, that someone else doesn’t have the answers, that someone else is trying to laugh instead of cry, but sometimes cries anyway.
And I’ll be here.
I love your corner of the Internet, and your honesty. 💙
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Aww thanks, my dear!! xx
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Love this. I feel the same way. Except we’ve got three in a king bed while the baby is down the hall in her room, though I’m sure she’ll be back soon enough.
Happy almost first to your little one.
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Ha. Glad I’m not the only one 🙂
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Keep it up lady. You aren’t alone, and those people who act like they have it all together probably hide in the corner at night sniffing glue. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself. 🙂
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Haha, amen. 🙂 xx
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I love your honesty and that you don’t make motherhood out to be something it rarely is. It has some really great parts, but it’s friggin hard. There are days I wonder if I will ever get to be me again. I wouldn’t change it, but single people haven’t got a clue what it’s like to be taken over by a husband and kids. I’m glad you keep it truthful and share your struggles. It’s nice knowing I’m not the only one without all the answers and just doing the best she can.
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Thank you! I want this blog to be a place parents can come to feel like they’re not the only ones struggling. It’s amazing being a parent, but yes, it’s friggin’ hard!! Big love to you. xx
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Every time I think I am vaguely competent at a stage in my kids life they change a stage and I have to start all over again. I read those articles with titles such as 14 ways to stop tantrums and when I finish them I don’t believe the author has kids or they have those fictional kids who sleep through the night and who don’t think mud is their main food source.
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Ha! Yes yes yes. 🙂
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Yes! Please keep writing about your struggles, because it really is normal and if parenting could be distilled into 14 easy steps then there wouldn’t be so many of us crying into our wine at the end of the day, or inhaling our secret chocolate stash while the kids watch endless episodes of Dinosaur Train on Netflix. Or maybe that’s just me.
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Haha, totally not just you. Me and my bags of chocolate chips, along with Bubble Guppies or Caillou on the TV concur.
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I think how you feel is exactly how *most* moms (and dads) feel, even if they don’t say it. 😉
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I think you’re probably right 🙂
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Thank you. I have no answers either. And I regularly wonder how three kids can be so opposite each other coming from the same parents!
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It’s crazy, isn’t it? Thank you for reading!!
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OMG. you are my twin separated at birth. my blog is the antithese of a “help” advice blog and I have every single one of these thoughts every single day. thank you bc I was starting to feel very alone in my wallowing of “do I suck to much at this to keep going?” writing is like any art form, it takes so much out of us, even the little posts, to be told. It’s too long. It’s too short. Rejected. It doesn’t fit our vibe. etc etc. I am going to stop submitting for a while and just post my blogs on my on blog and accept MYSELF and my writing for who I am and also work on my book. I can’t agree more with what you wrote. You are making a difference!!!
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Thank you so much! Yes, I’m trying not to please as much, on the writing front. Sometimes you just need to write from the heart. Xx
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After the day I have had here with my oldest daughter having to miss kindergarten graduation for she has pneumonia again, I truly needed this as I get it in spades and same here that I just don’t ever know if I am getting it right either as a mother and so much more.
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After the day I have had here with my oldest daughter having to miss kindergarten graduation because she has pneumonia again, I truly needed this as I get it in spades and same here that I just don’t ever know if I am getting it right either as a mother and so much more daily either.
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Awww, I’m sorry to hear, but I’m glad this post helped, if just a little bit. I hope she recovers quickly. xx
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I think we are all just making it up as we go along, none of us have all the answers even those of us who say there is.
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I agree. Thanks for reading 🙂
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